missing a friend

dear ___,

hi, how long has it been since we really talked?

i will admit that i had a huge crush on you... thinking you might be the one... and held that thought for about 6 years.

Mid year 2004, I let go of that thought, after asking you discreetly how you felt.
About me.

Nothing special.

nothing.

And even though I felt that you did like me, though being in the field of logic and math and algorithms, I'd rather get the facts, the "truth", something that can be used as basis for a feeling, a conviction, basis for hope.

Sometime this year, I lost hope.

and moved on.

Funny when I look back at what happened to us, what I did to you, what you did to me and what your partner(s) did to/said about/told me, this only brings me to the conclusion that there is no hope

For us.

Still I long for the friend I knew 6 years back, before whatever complicating feelings we had, before the possibility of being "US", and the certainty of that not happening.

-more later